list of things I will miss about canada (work in progress)
- not being Australia
- Montreal
- better beer
- the Skytrain (& really straightforward street layouts: “I’ll meet you on the corner of Pender and Thurlow” rather than “take a left then a right then past that bush you’ll see a circumcised dog: that’s how you know you’ve gone too far”)
- standing on the beach with mountains at your back
- west coast chill
- yam fries and poutine and London Fogs
- Merlin (deaf cat) and Bella (snobby cat)
- the ridiculous number of bands playing Vancouver for a third of the Australian price
- “awwwww yeahhhhhh” (“fakyeeeeeewww”)
- …camping? and hiking? I guess?
- cyclist-friendly street designs
- BC special
- stabbing incidents just around the corner from my house (HURRAY)
- Main St/Commercial Drive/Kitsilano/Strathcona/DEST
- people living in Vancouver who weren’t born in Vancouver (cf: 98% of my friends)
from an ex-student (ps can I just mention the turnout for my farewell drinks was KILLER and involved running into old friends and writing in silver marker over everyone and untactfully telling certain students they weren’t invited back to my place. there was also momentary passing out in the shower thrown in there, not that I’d ever be so undignified as to wake up without any pants on or whatever. this is what happens when you’re second most popular teacher—first being a white dude, go figure)
bo go sip eul gu you
And I guess the reasons I won’t miss Canada include: the moneysuck, outdoor types, people mistaking me for English, people mistaking me for Korean/Japanese, the moneysuck, tipping, shitty weather, born-and-bred Vancouverites, the nanny state, not so much rampant anti-intellectualism (hello I have this to look forward to when home) as a lack of independent spirit, also lack of game, the inability to comprehend irony, the moneysuck, retroactive fashion sense, lulu-fucking-lemons as casual attire, self-righteous greenwashing practices, the moneysuuuuuuuuck. etc.
(Thing I still don’t understand: the urge to enlist in military service/law enforcement. It somehow lacks the same xenophobic overtones and expressions of patriotism that it would have back home. But I’m speaking as an outsider, have you noticed how I carefully skirted around First Nations issues? Yeah.)
Most of the people I know are leaving this city. Really feel I need to get away for self-preservation: the longer I stay here the more earnest and sincere I become, the more less I’m able to discern sarcasm and conversational wit. At least now when I’m being gulled I know how to put on that bland expression that passes for Canadian nice but secretly means ‘wowee, you’re an imbecile, also fuck you’ and won’t trigger riot-starting behaviour amongst the rowdies. Also: I know how to queue.
